I Prayed for This Job. So Why Am I Tired of It?

I've seen a couple of TikToks lately with some version of "trying to act normal while slowly losing the spark for the job I once prayed for.” I don’t even know if it’s an actual trend or if TikTok just decided that was the content I needed to see this week, but grabe, that one landed.

Walang kinalaman sa content, wala lang akong picture na magamit. hahahah

Because I remember exactly how badly I wanted this job.

Before everything was final, there was a point when I genuinely thought I might lose the opportunity because of my medical results. I have medical restrictions and conditions not suited for visa approval. The job itself came to me much easier than I expected, which I talked about in my previous blog, but the medical part was another story. For a while, it felt like something I barely had control over could suddenly take the whole thing away.

I remember going to a church so late in the evening and despite it being closed. I still stayed outside and cried. Not the cute, dramatic kind either. I was genuinely scared that something I had already imagined becoming part of my life was about to disappear before I even got to start.

I prayed for this job. And eventually, I got it.

Which is probably why it feels weird admitting that there are days now when I wake up and the excitement just isn’t there anymore.

Nothing dramatic happened. I don’t suddenly hate my job. I’m not secretly planning to resign tomorrow, and this isn’t one of those “follow your passion” stories where I’m about to tell everyone to quit and chase their dreams. Kalma.

It’s just different now.

The things that once felt exciting became normal. Going to work in another country became normal. Having colleagues from different backgrounds became normal. The routine became familiar enough that I no longer stop and think, “Wow, I’m actually here.”

I just go to work. And apparently, that’s what happens when something you once prayed for eventually becomes your Tuesday.

There are days when I’m tired before the shift even starts. Days when I’m counting how many hours are left. Days when I’m doing the job perfectly fine but mentally thinking about literally anything else. Then once in a while, I remember myself outside that closed church and think, Hoy, ikaw yung umiiyak para dito dati.

It’s such a strange feeling. Because gratitude and exhaustion can apparently exist at the same time.

You can still be thankful for the salary, the benefits, the people, the opportunities, and the fact that the job gives you a life you once wanted, while also admitting that work eventually becomes work.

I think we sometimes make ourselves feel guilty for that.

If you worked hard for something, you’re supposed to stay excited about it forever. If you prayed for it, you’re supposed to wake up grateful every single day. And if you’re lucky enough to have a decent job, complaining somehow feels like you’re being ungrateful.

But realistically, how long can anything stay new?

Even the things you love become routine when you do them often enough.

Maybe that’s the part I found relatable about those TikToks. Nobody was saying the job was bad. It was more like quietly realizing that the spark you remember having is not always there anymore, then continuing your shift because, well, may trabaho tayo.

And I don’t really know what to do with that yet.

Maybe the spark comes back. Maybe work is simply going through one of those boring seasons where nothing is particularly wrong, but nothing feels exciting either. Maybe I just need a break. Or maybe this is what happens when a dream finally turns into a normal part of your life.

I’m not trying to turn it into some big lesson.

I just find it funny that there was once a version of me crying outside a closed church, asking for the chance to have this job.

And now there’s another version of me staring at the clock during a shift thinking, Ang tagal naman ng oras.

Both are me.

I guess that’s where I am with it right now.